Hello....

Here is where I say something dorky like "Hello and welcome to all of you in cyberspace". 

I decided to start this blog, mainly to document the process of the Success Team I am currently facilitating (based on the work of author Barbara Sher, and on an "informal" basis, unlike the trained and paid facilitators of Success Teams which also exist).  However, I will also be writing generally about "personal growth" and related books/methods/techniques and my experiences with them.

I don't really like the word "blog":  it sounds as though someone is vomiting onto the page.  (Which is generally not a flattering thing to say about someone's writing, although in some cases it may be an apt description.)  I hope, instead, that the....uh....regurgitations of my personal process will be helpful and/or illuminating to those of you reading this.  Although I am a person of many opinions, I do not enjoy pontificating for its own sake, and I think this is the reason I have made it this far in my life without starting a blog.  I want this process to be one of conversation and dialogue. 

I want to say a word about the title "Stumbling Toward Success" also.  It is in recognition of the fact that....I'm going to let a secret out of the bag here....most people really don't know what they are doing.  Oh, there are many "experts" out there whether self-styled or under the endorsements of others, who have done all kinds of research on traits of successful people, what behaviours make people successful etc.  Breaking everything down into the smallest, most discrete parts possible, so that anybody can pick up the book, follow the script and get the same results.  This approach has its attractive points.  People like certainty.  Certainty is appealing.  The trouble comes from the very nature of this approach:  it seeks to identify those attributes that certain sets of humans have in common with one another.  Humans, however, also have attributes that they do not have in common.  What works for one person may not work for another.  Hence, stumbling.  Trial and error. 

This is something I have had to come to terms with recently.  Many self-help/success gurus will sell the foolproofness of their products on the following basis (although not perhaps in these words):  "if you don't get the results you were looking for, that means you did something 'wrong' (and you just need to follow my program better next time)."  Good old certainty.  Now, I'm not entirely convinced it's true that I did something wrong (although as a former overachiever it is easy for me to fall into the guilt of this).  However, even if it is true, I have learned that it isn't at all beneficial for me to focus on that or spend time trying to diagnose it!  Why?  For me personally, it's because I do best when I am relaxed, not over-self-observing-and-criticizing, not too focused on getting everything right.  I try to think about it like this - even good salespeople get a lot of "no"s. 

What I am also saying is that fundamentally, none of us can know for sure, on behalf of another person, "what is best" for that person.  Human beings are far too complex for that.  The best we can do for ourselves is design our own lives, and personal growth/therapy/support/whateveryouwanttocallthem programs, based on who we are, not exclusively on "what successful people do", i.e. taking into account both similarities and differences.  And the best we can do for each other is offer compassionate support.  Most of us have been trained in a "fixing the problems" approach which has become a habit.  Sometimes a fix-it approach is warranted, it's true.  It seems to me though, that in our results-oriented world, it is compassion and as-close-as-it-reasonably-gets-to-unconditional love that are in shorter supply.  A need for those is something I am certain that all of us have in common. :)